Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2022 23:20:24 GMT
“Da Adorkable Angel” Azurine Vebbins commences her confessional while kneeling under a seven-rung stepladder. It’s a mangled mini-lith smelted from steel chairs made for her competition in the TV Title Contract Ladder Match. She steadies a slightly shaken vanilla vodka in her right hand.
Azurine Vebbins: Like da Centurion said unto Kin’ Herod’s priest Eli durin’ Hanna Barbera’s presentation of Da Nativity: “I’m a Roman; you only have to tell me once.” I must awkwardly amble and ascend atrocious altitudes dis Saturday night. “La Damigella in Quel Vestito” cannot comport caution when she congas towards da chaotic cad-e-dral known as Stadium Olimpico. Seven savvy steel structure shufflers shall scab, scamp, scar, slam, stomp, and Svengali deyr way to immediate immortality. Dose individuals include “Da Hawkeye Warrior” Jesse Marie Roberts, Legion, Yui Watanabe, Romeo De La Roche, my former dance partner Kenzie, Molly Hatchet, and my ex-tended out-law Helena Handbasket.
Let’s begin wid “Da Hawkeye Warrior” Jesse Marie Roberts. She’s a first-rung underachiever. She crushes on me every Wednesday via Twitter and crushes at da gym every odd-er day. Unfortunately, her Iowan intangibles aren’t enough to scratch da surface for securin’ success at Absolution.
Legion’s my second step. She’s liable to crash herself and some body into calamity. I’m bettin’ Watanabe to be dat somebody based on her fearless stance. Bode are fallin’ face-first into foreign-fashioned furniture.
As for Romeo De La Roche, he’s middleman position since we dames plan on cuttin’ all legs out from under him. Calls himself “Da Le-dal Lo-dar-i-o.” Some might claim he’ll be torn apart like a “Minx” Magazine. If dat happens, den da meek mook could apply as centerfold for deyr next issue.
Den deyr’s Kenzie. Da two of us are gonna dazzle on dat dance floor. We’ve sparred and synchronized rhy-dims in da past. However, given dis contest’s a Ladder Limbo, I won’t hesitate droppin’ da bar on her when she’s incapable of clearin’ it.
Next, deyr’s my fellow UPRISIN’ usurper named Molly Hatchet. Highland Fold Cat outta da bag, she pinned me on da Season 2 premiere. Was clean as a pulled from da dryer dinin’ table-clod. Reviewed our choreography, and dis time, I’m makin’ certain she’s who stays down for da count.
As for who’ll be left to experience wicked wind chill from my frequent forearm shivers? It’s da sister of my first wife’s sister’s spouse…which is why I referred to her as my ex-tended out-law earlier: Helena Handbasket. Now, da only closer shave dan Helena’s phalanges slippin’ off dat briefcase buckle is Jennica Naturally’s scalp. Would be a bald-faced lie if I believed any alternate hy-pod-e-sis. Haven’t heard from her for over dree years. Did she fly da coop of Roose Roost or retire gardenin’ inside da puzzlin’ planter box you perpetually propel ‘round? B-flat honest, dough, it’ll be wonderful Wheelbarrow Suplexin’ you from a harrowin’ height considerin’ you’re my most atypical yet amicable adversary.
Azurine finishes her promotional material by scurrying up the ladder and miming a channel changing gesture.
Azurine Vebbins: Like da Centurion said unto Kin’ Herod’s priest Eli durin’ Hanna Barbera’s presentation of Da Nativity: “I’m a Roman; you only have to tell me once.” I must awkwardly amble and ascend atrocious altitudes dis Saturday night. “La Damigella in Quel Vestito” cannot comport caution when she congas towards da chaotic cad-e-dral known as Stadium Olimpico. Seven savvy steel structure shufflers shall scab, scamp, scar, slam, stomp, and Svengali deyr way to immediate immortality. Dose individuals include “Da Hawkeye Warrior” Jesse Marie Roberts, Legion, Yui Watanabe, Romeo De La Roche, my former dance partner Kenzie, Molly Hatchet, and my ex-tended out-law Helena Handbasket.
Let’s begin wid “Da Hawkeye Warrior” Jesse Marie Roberts. She’s a first-rung underachiever. She crushes on me every Wednesday via Twitter and crushes at da gym every odd-er day. Unfortunately, her Iowan intangibles aren’t enough to scratch da surface for securin’ success at Absolution.
Legion’s my second step. She’s liable to crash herself and some body into calamity. I’m bettin’ Watanabe to be dat somebody based on her fearless stance. Bode are fallin’ face-first into foreign-fashioned furniture.
As for Romeo De La Roche, he’s middleman position since we dames plan on cuttin’ all legs out from under him. Calls himself “Da Le-dal Lo-dar-i-o.” Some might claim he’ll be torn apart like a “Minx” Magazine. If dat happens, den da meek mook could apply as centerfold for deyr next issue.
Den deyr’s Kenzie. Da two of us are gonna dazzle on dat dance floor. We’ve sparred and synchronized rhy-dims in da past. However, given dis contest’s a Ladder Limbo, I won’t hesitate droppin’ da bar on her when she’s incapable of clearin’ it.
Next, deyr’s my fellow UPRISIN’ usurper named Molly Hatchet. Highland Fold Cat outta da bag, she pinned me on da Season 2 premiere. Was clean as a pulled from da dryer dinin’ table-clod. Reviewed our choreography, and dis time, I’m makin’ certain she’s who stays down for da count.
As for who’ll be left to experience wicked wind chill from my frequent forearm shivers? It’s da sister of my first wife’s sister’s spouse…which is why I referred to her as my ex-tended out-law earlier: Helena Handbasket. Now, da only closer shave dan Helena’s phalanges slippin’ off dat briefcase buckle is Jennica Naturally’s scalp. Would be a bald-faced lie if I believed any alternate hy-pod-e-sis. Haven’t heard from her for over dree years. Did she fly da coop of Roose Roost or retire gardenin’ inside da puzzlin’ planter box you perpetually propel ‘round? B-flat honest, dough, it’ll be wonderful Wheelbarrow Suplexin’ you from a harrowin’ height considerin’ you’re my most atypical yet amicable adversary.
Azurine finishes her promotional material by scurrying up the ladder and miming a channel changing gesture.