Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2022 3:22:16 GMT
Helena Handbasket stands in front of a camera.
“What? I get how many words? Oh feck, Goddamnit, Helena stop wasting words. Ummm look everyone sucks. Everyone but me sucks. Shoulda started there really. Ok. Winning. 500 words. Go. Good Golly Miss Molly, yes, I’m reusing this joke. Molly Hatchet? Angry. Fighty. Ging. What else is there? She'll run her gob no matter what I say so fuck 'er. I'll just hit her with a ladder. Or me. Whichever is suitable. Me wiith the ladder?...OH, A PENGUIN! Next up, Ok google, who is Kenzie Wrestler. Oh her? Really? In my defense, I smelled valley girl Karen and fell asleep. I swear to Dilbert this woman's aura screams Vaccines cause autism so loud you can see her coming."
There’s a manic tilt to the camera here.
"Legion. One demon, two demons, it's just demons all the way down. Which one is it? Who knows? Oh right, the one that keeps failing and running scared from the Wendigo. Got your number to I do. Ooohh, we're scary Helena now. How many words left? Enough. Yui, Feck I'm also allergic to Kawaii. I'm sorry, she's not bad. She's just. Forgettable. Generic, like I really struggled thinkin her apart from the other young Asian Honor bound Rookie kickin around. Jeeeessie, llllI’ve got your number. Shit, I already made that joke. Foxy boxer, wife, if she’s lookin to hit me with her tits I’m scared. Otherwise, unless those things are filled with helium I don’t think she’s getting them up the ladder. Again, not bad just, how is she not just another big dumb muscle princess?"
Pacing from side to side, flailing her hands in short bursts as she talks.
"Be very very quiet, we’re hunting Vebbinses. I’ll grant her that Vebbinses is just fun to say. Just kiddin, she’s an old mate, a dear sweetie really. I’m still very surprisingly really, willing to ram various bits of her body with and into a ladder to achieve a TV Championship contract. I’m Helena Handbasket I don’t need 500 to tell you why I’m going to win that title contract. I’m trained by Matt Knox, and FM Young, I’m a current tag team champ, and not a bloody one of you has a clue what to do when Happy Go Lucky Helena Handbasket decides to start putting knees and elbows to faces. Whatta you mean I skipped a step? I said the face! That’s my chief weapon, surprise, it’s a Monty Python bit. Secondly, not one of you is prepared for how far I’d go and how hard I’ll hit when I’m done goofin off for the crowd. No comedy accents, no friendly Hel. Just knees and faces. So yeah. That's that. 446 words? Easy as pie. Not even close to the limit, am I? Keep tellin' me all I do is run me... well fuck."
Helena counts on her fingers, lift her eyebrows dramatically, smiles and twirls herself off frame as the camera turns off.
“What? I get how many words? Oh feck, Goddamnit, Helena stop wasting words. Ummm look everyone sucks. Everyone but me sucks. Shoulda started there really. Ok. Winning. 500 words. Go. Good Golly Miss Molly, yes, I’m reusing this joke. Molly Hatchet? Angry. Fighty. Ging. What else is there? She'll run her gob no matter what I say so fuck 'er. I'll just hit her with a ladder. Or me. Whichever is suitable. Me wiith the ladder?...OH, A PENGUIN! Next up, Ok google, who is Kenzie Wrestler. Oh her? Really? In my defense, I smelled valley girl Karen and fell asleep. I swear to Dilbert this woman's aura screams Vaccines cause autism so loud you can see her coming."
There’s a manic tilt to the camera here.
"Legion. One demon, two demons, it's just demons all the way down. Which one is it? Who knows? Oh right, the one that keeps failing and running scared from the Wendigo. Got your number to I do. Ooohh, we're scary Helena now. How many words left? Enough. Yui, Feck I'm also allergic to Kawaii. I'm sorry, she's not bad. She's just. Forgettable. Generic, like I really struggled thinkin her apart from the other young Asian Honor bound Rookie kickin around. Jeeeessie, llllI’ve got your number. Shit, I already made that joke. Foxy boxer, wife, if she’s lookin to hit me with her tits I’m scared. Otherwise, unless those things are filled with helium I don’t think she’s getting them up the ladder. Again, not bad just, how is she not just another big dumb muscle princess?"
Pacing from side to side, flailing her hands in short bursts as she talks.
"Be very very quiet, we’re hunting Vebbinses. I’ll grant her that Vebbinses is just fun to say. Just kiddin, she’s an old mate, a dear sweetie really. I’m still very surprisingly really, willing to ram various bits of her body with and into a ladder to achieve a TV Championship contract. I’m Helena Handbasket I don’t need 500 to tell you why I’m going to win that title contract. I’m trained by Matt Knox, and FM Young, I’m a current tag team champ, and not a bloody one of you has a clue what to do when Happy Go Lucky Helena Handbasket decides to start putting knees and elbows to faces. Whatta you mean I skipped a step? I said the face! That’s my chief weapon, surprise, it’s a Monty Python bit. Secondly, not one of you is prepared for how far I’d go and how hard I’ll hit when I’m done goofin off for the crowd. No comedy accents, no friendly Hel. Just knees and faces. So yeah. That's that. 446 words? Easy as pie. Not even close to the limit, am I? Keep tellin' me all I do is run me... well fuck."
Helena counts on her fingers, lift her eyebrows dramatically, smiles and twirls herself off frame as the camera turns off.