Post by Admin on Mar 17, 2022 0:13:12 GMT
The camera fades into a studio set with three chairs and a giant monitor displaying the APWO logo above them. In these three seats are none other than Kyle, The Intern. Head Official Blazen, and Chet Morley!
Kyle: Hey! Uh..Welcome to APWO’s special ‘Path to the Elite 8”. I’m joined by our head official ref Blazen and one of the voic–
Chet: THE Voice of the APWO Hello folks, i’m Chet Morley. And I should be sitting in that punk’s chai–
Blazen: Yooo calm down, Chet. You’re harshin’ my mellow. You gotta relax before we go live, dude..
Chet: We ARE live you burnt ou–
Kyle: ANYWAY…They’re here. And tonight, we’re going to hear from each member of the Elite Eight…and one more person.
Kyle pauses, shifting in his seat. His face twitches, imagining the combined groan of the other eight watching this.
Kyle: Emiliano Hernan..was impressed with the efforts of someone he thought got the short end of the stick. So, our first video package…is from this mystery person. Who..like, I guess won’t be a mystery after this.
Chet: Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah?
Chet: Shut the fuck up and play the clip.
Kyle: Right…
This scene begins with Travis Blake sitting on the chair in the middle of a dimmed light room. He smirks to himself for a brief moment before he began speaking.
Travis Blake: Now let’s all get to the business at hand and that’s one of my opponents and its Samantha Tolson. Alright Sammy first things first, fuck you. Secondly, you do know what I’m capable of doing inside that ring right? I know you do. I bet all those years hiding behind Katie’s skirt and all those lesbians. I am a killer, the destroyer; I will do anything and everything it takes to come out as the winner. For someone with the experience like you, you would think that shouldn’t be a problem right Sammy? I mean you should know some of what I can do in that ring considering you used to wrestle with me some promotions. You know that you’re nothing more than a worthless cunt that uses wrestling as a crutch for your weird lesbian fantasies. You really don’t care about this sport and you never will. You think anyone in this business really respects you? When you go on twitter and buff your chest out acting like the world owes you a thank you. Fuck no. Every single person talks trash about you just like they talk trash about me.
Please stop fucking drooling over every single woman with a fucking pussy and really put some effort into this business. Also when you say online that you’re going to be the first every world champion this company will have is like jesus Christ being reborn in this world. I’m sorry to burst your little bubble but it’s just not going to happen. Let me know when you really want to focus on wrestling instead of that shitty Rabbit strip club you work at.
Now onto other important news; Matt Stone. Don’t know you and I don’t want too so fuck off. This Avenger guy looks like a washed up jobber off the Marvel writing desk. Here comes big meanie Blake and this is the part of the show where people despise me but oh well. The fact is ladies, that you're trash. You're not just trash, you're the worst kind of trash, you're the kind of trash that makes me embarrassed to even be involved in this match with you, because I've seen dozens of people just like you, people who can't get over their egos and piss and moan behind the curtain because they just can't bare the fact that sometimes, things don't go your way.
APWO is going to see much I truly can be hated when I put all my eggs into the hating basket. The Wrestling world is really going to see that the sweet, nice Travis is good as dead. This company should be fucking honored to have me. So go say some prayers and eat your vitamins brother because you need all the fucking prayers you can get to escape this match from me. I am going to win this match one way or another. See you all soon.
Chet: You know, I don’t think that guy likes Sam Tolson very much.
Blazen: He needs to smoke one and calm down, man…
Kyle: I don’t…I don’t think you should be stoned and wrestling.
Chet: Tell your cousin that.
Kyle: I HAVE!
Chet: Look, point is…this guy is a late addition, throws the whole balance off. No doubt all 8 will take him out, first opportunity because what has he done to earn a spot with them? Not a damn thing!
Blazen: Well, he was pretty proactive with the attacks after the bell, man.
Kyle: Yeah but, I gotta agree with Chet. This is a slap in the face, and him singling out Tolson might be the dumbest move imaginable.
Chet: Speaking of…here’s Sam Tolson, eleven million time somethin or other with nice abs!
Kyle: I thought you were the expert..
Chet: I thought I told you to shut the f-
Samantha Tolson sits on a sofa inside her Vegas home, a blanket over her lap as a stylish journal lies open in it. She holds a pen in her right hand, beginning to write.
"Dear Diary,
The APWO World Championship is so close I can taste it. But there's misconceptions about my drive to won it, my confidence that I will win that belt. They think because I say I have no fear that I'm being cocky, or underestimating the other seven left.
They don't understand. None of them do.
I don't fear them. Wendigo, Dionysus, certainly not Stone or Parker, or Bailey. Not Mason. Not even Vengy.
There's nothing about any of them that strikes fear into me. That's not underestimating them, it's just the truth. No malice, no ill will. Just simple fact.
What they will never understand is what I truly fear.
I fear me.
I don't like to lose. At anything. Not wrestling, not softball or football back in the LFL.
An-y-thing.
I know what happens inside me when I lose. I've tried to be more gracious about it as the years wear on, but they don't see me when I've lost. They don't see the knots in my stomach, the thoughts in my mind.
They don't understand that the one thing that scares me is losing. I've lost more than any them know, more than all but one of them can even possibly comprehend.
I've lost the one thing that made me a woman with the loss of my ability to have kids. Yes, someday I'll adopt, but there'll always be that nagging feeling in the back of my mind, telling me they're not truly mine.
I will look at my adopted children, someday, every day, knowing that no matter how good of a life I give them, in the game of life…I've already lost.
That's why I keep pushing, keep striving for that feeling of winning everywhere I can.
Because one day, there's no more wins. Only that huge loss, even with my children around me.
They will never wrap their heads around my confidence, because they'll never see my desperation.
So I fear myself, because deep down, I hate losing because of what I've already lost, and because I can't get it back, I fill the void with all the victories I can.
I have a trophy case filled with them.
It's why I push, why I outwork everyone. Why I prepare endlessly, chase relentlessly.
I'm chasing smoke, and they'll never see it.
Make no mistake, I am confident that I will do something I've never yet done, become the first to hold a World Championship.
But I also know why I am confident.
I am confident because there is no other alternative for me.
I can't bear the thought of losing.
Again.
So this time?
I won't lose.
I won't allow it."
Samantha sighs, closing the journal and looking out a window, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Kyle: Well that got…personal.
Chet: Oh, who gives a fuck?
Kyle: Dude!
Chet: Look, my heart breaks for her. It does. But you losing something doesn’t immediately entitle you to everything you want. She’s acting like the title is already hers!
Kyle: Well i mean, she’s earned the right to be confident. She’s had a great car–
Chet Morley obnoxiously blows raspberries.
Blazen: Look man, I just think that if she doesn’t win this? She’s going to have a lot to fight from underneath of. The whole roster has heard her saying she was GOING to win man…time to put up, or shut up
Kyle: Well..Next, we hear from a man who had a rough outing at one PPV where he was SET ON FIRE, retained tag titles in Action Wrestling and has befriended a heart stopping helldemon here.
Chet: I bet they’re bumpin uglies. Key word, uglies.
Kyle: This is Dionysus.
The road to absolute power is paved with the blood and bone of those who have attempted the path, but stumbled and faded into nothing. For some, this path has been relatively straightforward, albeit not easy; no weird turns and bends in the path.
Then there's me.
Yes, me with the lovely mug and award-winning ass.
If anyone, and I mean anyone, says that this path has been an easy one for me, I'm going to point out several things to you. Time has not been on my side. The one person I could trust was assaulted and all but forgot about me. And then I am paired with a monster, another victim forgotten entirely. Enough moments like that would make anyone think twice about continuing, right? Being saddled with a new partner, having to find common ground while most other teams have already worked out the kinks?
And yet...here I am.
Despite everything that has happened with me so far, I have managed to continue on my path to absolute power. This business has no shortage on enemies, but friends and comrades are harder to come by. So I shall do the only appropriate thing and give my appreciation to Wendigo for allowing us to accept each other and co-exist as a team. I promise I won't make the sting of defeat hurt as much.
I'm not going to pretend I'm anything that I'm not. I'm not some long-standing veteran wrestler looking to add more prestige to my name. I'm not a rookie either, using this opportunity to make a name for myself. I'm not the type of egotist that will claim that I will decimate and destroy all that stand in my path. Nor am I the type of narcissist that is going to state matter-of-factly that this title will be mine.
I'm going to tell you what I tell everyone else.
Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words, especially within the Elite Eight. As the first hopefuls for the world title, we represent what absolute power can truly mean, though fragments of that we may be. It is by besting one another that we will combine these fragments into the whole of absolute power.
And when that dust settles...It will be I, Dionysus, that will become the First Class Singularity.
#DicksOutForDionysus
Kyle: What a stirring monologue…I think.
Chet: Did he just SAY hashtag? Like, unironically?
The three sit there in a stunned silence for a minute, before Blazen turns to the other two.
Blazen: I don’t wanna get my dick out, man. It feels dirty.
Kyle: MOVING ON…uh. The next piece was sent to us in the form of a blogpost and it was uh…requested that I read it. So…From the mind of Matt Stone..
Kyle turns to the monitor, which displays the blogpost and soon the camera fades so it fills the screen as Kyle reads it aloud.
Dear Power Roster,
Since the day I signed on the dotted line I’ve been penciled into the main event of Absolution. That’s just a fact, almost like a birthright I possess. I know hearing that will automatically rub you the wrong way but that’s just jealousy. This isn’t even a brag, simply a fact. Kitty and Vance competed in a match to determine who would get to pick their partner and quite frankly, it was to determine who would get to team with me. I know you’ve all accomplished things in your past and that to varying degrees you’ve all earned your spots here in the elite eight, but there’s only so far you can go before coming up against a buzz saw. The thing about being good is that sooner or later, you’re going to run into someone better and now, that someone is me. Ironically, it’s that very perception everyone has that makes me better than you.
The amount of pressure that gets put on my shoulders each time I sign a contract, each time I make an appearance, dwarfs anything you’ve experienced. Being Matt Stone isn’t always a joy, it’s a chore at times and I have to put myself through rigorous efforts each and every day to maintain my status. There’s always someone looking to swoop in and take that spot away from me. It’s tiring honestly but I’m not about to give it up any time soon. That’s why when you see me in my downtime, surfing Twitter, it doesn’t look like I take you seriously. I don’t, for clarification, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on you as a wrestler unless your name is Donny and you’re acting like a veteran already, it’s because I know what I go through and that none of you can match me on preparation, on knowledge, on skill. I’ve seen people like you come and go…in Samantha’s case I’ve seen her come and go… while I’ve remained a rock (or Stone) in this business for over a decade. I learned a long time ago that you have to do things you’re not proud of in order to succeed here. Wendigo’s mind games are off putting to say the least, but I’ve had to live day in and day out with the sins I’ve committed throughout the years to be able to maintain my status as the best wrestler going today. I’m no superhero or Greek God and I don’t pretend to be as such, I’m just a man who’s made a lot of mistakes in his life and learned from each and every one of them. Mistakes that I still see you all making to this day and mistakes I’ll capitalize on.
Vance made the right decision in selecting me and I’ll do my best to get him to the finals but beyond that? I’m walking away with the championship gold and there isn’t a person in this company that can Shut. Me. Up.
-Future World Champion
Matt Stone
Kyle: I uh…that felt dirty to read.
Chet Morley: Look, i’ll just say it. I’ve always been a Matt Stone fan. And this is why. He’s a bullshitter when it doesn’t matter, but when shit needs to count? He’s all business.
Ref Blazen: And that’s called being a pro.
Kyle: I think Donny Mason’s dad might sue for that….but, as well known as Matt Stone is there is next to nothing to know about the next potential inaugural world champ. Unless you believe everything you read on monster and cryptid wikis.
Ref Blazen: Which, I do..
Kyle: This is uh…this is Wendigo. Hope you’re wearing your poopin’ pants.
Wendigo: For we all are sinners.
The camera lights up, opening in on the backdrop of what seems to be the Black Forest once more. Though, for once, Wendigo herself is actually visible to the camera. She is seen crouched in front of a massive tree, the shadows of it obscuring its true visage. Laid out in front of her, sat an assortment of items. Her hands slowly stretched outwards, fingers hooking around the first item and dragging it along the ground. Slowly, her hands lifted, cradling in her fingers a small action figure of Donny Mason.
Wendigo: Wrath.
Her hands grip at the doll tighter, until cracks begin to form in the figure. With a violent yank, the figure cracks in half, its pieces falling to the snow. Behind her, the tree seems to creak, leaves shaking above the branches. Steadily, she pulls the next item forward, dragging between her claws a fallen phone. Her eyes remain situated on the phone before smiling.
Wendigo: Pride
Her hand rushes out, piercing the phone in the center of the screen with a violent crack. Her eyes focus, moving now towards the third item set in front of her. A T-shirt, depicting Sam Tolson. Her gaze narrows as she hovers her hand over it.
Wendigo: Envy.
Her claws rip through the shirt, shredding through Tolson’s face on the shirt itself before turning her eyes to the next item. A signed photo of Cam Stone. Her lips pull into a snarl as her fingers hover over it.
Wendigo: Greed.
Once more her claws pierce through the picture before turning to the next item. A child’s cape, with the symbol of the Avenger in the center of it.
Wendigo: Sloth.
She ignores the item, moving to the next one. An ipad, perpetually playing an image of Logan Bailey. She almost laughs at what is happening, before shaking her head.
Wendigo: Lust.
Her hand snaps downward, cracking the ipad screen violently before her gaze falls on the last item. A bottle of wine. Unopened. Her hand hovers against it, and for a moment she seems regretful.
Wendigo: Gluttony.
She lifts the bottle into her hands, rotating it gently before running her tongue against the opening. Able to taste it. And her own regrets. Her eyes drift to a close, tears about to well in them before reopening as she smiles.
Wendigo: We are all sinners. And that’s perfectly fine. I love sinners. I love the idea and facet of it all. Because it is only through these sins have we found ourselves in this position. I must act now. As the monster of pure sin that I am. The devourer that I am. To crawl through the wreckage of bodies and stand across from my true adversary. And to feel the blood of a true challenger run along my throat. For we are sinners.
Her arms spread, as the tree seems to brighten, revealing seven bodies dangling from its branches.
Wendigo: But I’m a monster
Ref Blazen: I wasn’t wearin my poopin pants, bro…
Chet: Are we uh..are we sure she’s had her shots?
Kyle: Well, right now the only shot we know she has for sure is a shot at being the first APWO World Champion. We’re at the halfway point of our group just about boys. You got any thoughts?
Chet: I miss podcasting
Ref Blazen: I really don’t want Wendigo to eat me, man…
Kyle: Well…here’s something completely different. From monster for flesh, to a monster for the rules. Vance Isaac Parker broke the bank when he signed here, but since then has only had two matches. Of course that was out of his control but still, you KNOW he wants to prove himself to be the champion we deserve.
“Here we are, on the eve of the biggest match of my career. Hi, Vance Isaac Parker here, YOUR favorite champion reporting for APWO. The only man in this match with under a year of professional experience in line for a chance at becoming the world’s heavyweight champion. And the youngest to have the opportunity within this company, if my math is correct. And spoiler alert, I come from a higher educated university, and my math is always correct. Look, I’m no fool, I know what the people say about me. I know what my colleagues here at the APWO think about me, how they call me the Silver Spoon of owner Emiliano Hernan.”
The light flickers on, revealing only a somber VIP in his diamond-encrusted suit with a casual gin & tonic on an end table at his side.
“Seven others join me in a four on four elimination match, with two major rules; the first, you cannot pin your partner you’ve had for the duration of this event. So Matt Stone and I are as safe as we’ve been to-date. The second, is that the final two individuals in the match will go on and square off for all the marbles, to fight for the right to be the inaugural world’s heavyweight champion of this company. Samantha Tolson, Matt Stone, Wendigo, Donny Mason, Logan Bailey, Dionysus, The Avenger and of course yours’ truly. And if you ask any of them, they’ll all tell you in their own way of course, that like a famous N*SYNC song, it’s going to be them that wins this match. But, and stay with me here, nod along if you know where I’m going…there can only be one winning entity in any professional wrestling match, right?” It even says so right here, in The Official Professional Wrestling Rulebook®…”
Vance reaches inside his blazer to pull out the now-infamous rulebook for emphasis, before returning it.
“So, if you can only have one winning entity, and seven people are all saying they’re winning…somebody is telling you a lie. And shouldn’t you hate that? I mean, they just told you a bold faced lie to your face! You should be insulted by them! Now me, I won’t lie to you. I’m not going to tell you I’m going to win. Because…I don’t need to. No, instead all I have to do…is survive. In this case, being one of the last two standing is equivalent to winning.”
Vance reaches for his gin & tonic and takes a long sip then places it back on the table.
“So tune in. APWO’s special four-on-four empty arena tag team elimination match. Watch my words today be spoken into truth. Much like they will when I become world’s heavyweight champion after this encounter. When I show you all why I am, YOUR favorite champion. This has been Vance Isaac Parker, signing off.”
Vance reaches one more time for the drink as the camera slowly draws to a fade.
Chet: Man never met a mirror he didn’t like.
Kyle: You got to admire his confidence. I know that some people would call it arrogance but, when you’ve won the titles he has then you’ve earned the right to crow about it a little.
Ref Blazen: Then we got the exact opposite..
Chet: Poor little Logan. Helena’s BFF with the beaver lookin’ wife. Got his ass kicked so bad we wondered if he’d be able to participate.
Kyle: but, to his credit, he has stepped up and even called out Travis Blake on social media. So you know, more than anyone, Logan is going to be out for revenge.
A look of whimsy crosses Logan Bailey's face as he kind of recalls old times.
Logan Bailey: "Man, imagine me actually being a world champion. Logan Bailey: World Champion. It's a phrase I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to hear outside of the confines of my rooms when I was a kid. And honestly, I was a weird kid anyway, I always more valued the worker's championship over the world championship. It was never "and new World Champion," it was always "and new Intercontinental Champion." Yeah, I was kinda weird."
The Animated Maniac stares away from the camera, kind of nodding before continuing.
Logan Bailey: "Weirder still, among my friends in high school, there were only actually a couple that were really into wrestling like I was. We were all in marching band together. They had officer roles, and they treated getting that role like winning a world championship. They were proud to be woodwinds captain."
Bailey just kind of sighs as he keeps recounting high school.
Logan Bailey: "I never got a serious role. Sure, I always signed up for one, and sure I was junior year's representative, but I never actually got one. When I was junior representative, that was the one year they didn't announce representatives over the PA system."
Logan shakes his head no.
Logan Bailey: "But there was always someone better for the role I really wanted. Meaning I was never drum captain in high school marching band. I was never good enough, or at the very least I was gaslit into thinking I was never good enough. But when I got to Georgia Tech? In my senior year, I finally got the job. I was drum captain, and I was the one tapping off the rest of the band. It was nothing like what I hoped it'd be. I still wasn't a leader. It was probably a mistake to make me drum captain. Thankfully the roles were diminished compared to high school. They really didn't matter nearly as much, just making the band was enough."
The Animated Maniac purses his lips, remembering all this.
Logan Bailey: "I still have the badge Tech gave me for being drum captain. But that was ten years ago now, it's really just a keepsake. I've come out of my shell since then. I've gotten a hot punk wife since then who's kept me out of my shell. I know what it takes to be a leader now, to be the top of the establishment. Even if that's the only thing marching band and professional wrestling have in common, that's a hell of a thing to have in common. So Mr. Rodgers? If you're watching, which... I--I don't... I don't know why you would be, you were the type who thought wrestling was stupid. I want you to look how far I've come. I am good enough."
And with a bit of a smirk to him, Logan turns off the camera as the view fades elsewhere.
Chet: Goddamn. Almost makes me wanna root for the kid…Almost.
Kyle: Logan’s mostly been quiet but now, with that much revealed of him? I’m kinda pullin for the underdog!
Ref Blazen: I gotta go with genetics man…and thats our next cat. The biggest cat in the match too. Donny Mason, son of Don Tirri and trained by him and Matt Knox. Mans got the pedigree and the tutelage. Just needs to put it all together.
Kyle: lets hear what’s on the mind of the Yeetmaster
Now who had “Rookie with 6 months of experience makes it to the Elite 8” in their scorecards? You did? Quit lying. Pops said the odds for this were and I quote “Fucking astronomical”
All kidding aside, I barely believe it myself. After the mess with Lissie and Cypher, I halfway expected to get knocked on my ass and eliminated by Blake and Strader. But damn, here I am. Sure, Blake got the last laugh with that post-match assault… but hey, I told him on twitter that it wasn’t even the worst beating I got, I walked out on my own and showed up at the aisle later. Not exactly BLOOD-level. A solid Two outta Five
Anyway. Man. Talk about an opportunity. Me and Loggo, assuming he is cleared to compete, get to tussle with some pretty fantastic names. Matt Stone, who despite Pops’ opinion is a pretty damn good worker. VIP, who has almost as much gold as I do. Tolson, whose CV is gilded to say the least, Avenger, who I won’t deny, is probably my favorite dude of all time. I mean, look at him. Dude’s a bloody superhero, like legit!
And then there is Dionysus. I mean, I’m honestly glad I get to actually share the ring with him, after our original meeting got kinda sidelined by Cyphers fuckery. So yeah. Gotta love new opportunities! Now, if he wasn’t teaming with Wendigo, I’d be a lot happier. Cause that broad? She gives me the creeps. I’m not Knox, I try to steer clear of monsters, instead of heading towards them like a broody torpedo.
No matter which way you spin it though, I’m the underdog there. No matter how much you try to justify it with my record thus far… I’m still the greenest guy in there, the least recognized and if Lissie Hope and Frank Jefferson are to be believed… the ugliest too. So why would anyone put their money on young Donny Mason, dude who has ridden his Pops name and his trainers coattails.
Yeah. Why? Well lemme tell you something bruv. I might be young and inexperienced, but I got the genes for this biz. I was born because of wrestling and I was born TO wrestle. I’m an absolute physical UNIT, standing head and shoulders above the others. I train every day. I eat my vitamins and if I was a religious man,I’d probably say my prayers too.
But most importantly: APWO deserves someone fresh, someone impressive, someone not stained by past drama as it’s face. Someone like me. Everyone has their baggage. Some bigger, some smaller. I don’t. A clean slate. A blank check to write on.
When people look back at Absolution in 10 years, they will remember it fondly. They will see potential realized. They will see the future of professional wrestling making it’s breakthrough.. They will see Donny Mason standing tall… Not as the Elite 8… but as THE Elite.
Simple, innit?
Kyle: There is no lack of confidence among these fighters, guys.
Chet: Why should there be? We got 41 people signed to this roster, and right now no matter what path was taken here, no matter the asterisks and technicalities and all that bullshit? These are the 8 absolute best…Well, 9.
Ref Blazen:Yeah but we saved the best for last…did you guys know we signed a SUPER HERO?!
Kyle: I heard he saved Christmas once…
Chet: Christ, roll the damn clip so I can go to waffle house!
"NO TIME!" Avenger shouted. "We're stuck in a time warp!"
Well let's do it agai...
"STOP WITH THE DATED REFERENCES!" he shouted again. Fine, Vengy. Let's always do what YOU want to do.
Following the events that led him to encounter 'The Maker's' other creations, The Avenger found himself in, as he said, a time warp. The backstory for this situation is long and complicated, so sit right there and you'll hear a tale...
"What did I just say?" The Avenger yelled at the narrator, realizing his situation was dire. "I have no idea how much time we have left, but it's definitely not enough for a grand adventure!"
But I...
"Nope!" Avenger shook his head, defiant. "They'll just have to accept that this is the situation, and we have to move on to solving it!"
I think you just don't want them to know that this was definitely your fault.
"Is not!" Vengy argued, stamping his feet against the nothingness of the ever-decaying universe around him. "Just because a switch says 'Do Not Push', doesn't ALWAYS mean you can't push it!"
It's definitely your fault.
"Totally not!" Avenger repeated, not realizing he was wasting time arguing with the narrator when he was running out of precious seconds. When the adventure started, he only had 500 left. Now, he was at 273.
Avenger sat there, put a hand on his chin and thought. "Maybe I could cut a wrestling promo!"
Wait, what?
"I don't know!" He said, throwing his arms up. "It helped THE LAST TIME I was in a situation which threatened all of existence!"
Vengy, not knowing if it would work but not wanting to reference a past issue that APWO audiences likely wouldn't know about, quickly began to talk before he ran out of seconds. Especially now that he only had...
"Never tell me the odds!" Avenger said, stealing from a movie he hadn't actually seen. He adopted a superhero pose and began to talk.
"So I'm in this big eight-person thingy at the next APWO show. The final two move on to fight for the World title. Let me tell you, being a champion again would certainly help with the whole role model thing. Kids need someone they can look up to! While Samantha Tolson would be good for ab sculpting, is she really a superhero? No! And I say that with respect! As for everyone else in this match? Matt Stone is loud. I was gonna make a joke about VIP's actual name but I have no time. Dionysus is too thotty. Donny Mason is still in his 'notice me, senpai' phase! Logan Bailey doesn't tip appropriately at restaurants! Wendigo is a flesh-eating ghoul! Well, that last one is the most concerning but none of them are champions! Only a hero is a champion!"
Avenger looked up at the narrator he couldn't see. "Did that do it? Or is it too late?"
I don't know Vengy, we just might have...
Chet:..Okay, i’m going to Wafflehouse
Ref Blazen: Holy shit, he’;s really a superhero!
Kyle: Whatever he is…this is the end of our show. So, who do you guys pick to advance?
Chet: Matt Stone, and the person who gets to lose to Matt Stone
Blazen: Donny Mason and Travis Blake.
Kyle: Great picks from a couple great old fellas. Now, for you watching at home after seeing this? Feel free to vote in the fan poll on our twitter @powerapwo and vote for who you think will win it all at Absolution!!
Kyle: Hey! Uh..Welcome to APWO’s special ‘Path to the Elite 8”. I’m joined by our head official ref Blazen and one of the voic–
Chet: THE Voice of the APWO Hello folks, i’m Chet Morley. And I should be sitting in that punk’s chai–
Blazen: Yooo calm down, Chet. You’re harshin’ my mellow. You gotta relax before we go live, dude..
Chet: We ARE live you burnt ou–
Kyle: ANYWAY…They’re here. And tonight, we’re going to hear from each member of the Elite Eight…and one more person.
Kyle pauses, shifting in his seat. His face twitches, imagining the combined groan of the other eight watching this.
Kyle: Emiliano Hernan..was impressed with the efforts of someone he thought got the short end of the stick. So, our first video package…is from this mystery person. Who..like, I guess won’t be a mystery after this.
Chet: Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah?
Chet: Shut the fuck up and play the clip.
Kyle: Right…
This scene begins with Travis Blake sitting on the chair in the middle of a dimmed light room. He smirks to himself for a brief moment before he began speaking.
Travis Blake: Now let’s all get to the business at hand and that’s one of my opponents and its Samantha Tolson. Alright Sammy first things first, fuck you. Secondly, you do know what I’m capable of doing inside that ring right? I know you do. I bet all those years hiding behind Katie’s skirt and all those lesbians. I am a killer, the destroyer; I will do anything and everything it takes to come out as the winner. For someone with the experience like you, you would think that shouldn’t be a problem right Sammy? I mean you should know some of what I can do in that ring considering you used to wrestle with me some promotions. You know that you’re nothing more than a worthless cunt that uses wrestling as a crutch for your weird lesbian fantasies. You really don’t care about this sport and you never will. You think anyone in this business really respects you? When you go on twitter and buff your chest out acting like the world owes you a thank you. Fuck no. Every single person talks trash about you just like they talk trash about me.
Please stop fucking drooling over every single woman with a fucking pussy and really put some effort into this business. Also when you say online that you’re going to be the first every world champion this company will have is like jesus Christ being reborn in this world. I’m sorry to burst your little bubble but it’s just not going to happen. Let me know when you really want to focus on wrestling instead of that shitty Rabbit strip club you work at.
Now onto other important news; Matt Stone. Don’t know you and I don’t want too so fuck off. This Avenger guy looks like a washed up jobber off the Marvel writing desk. Here comes big meanie Blake and this is the part of the show where people despise me but oh well. The fact is ladies, that you're trash. You're not just trash, you're the worst kind of trash, you're the kind of trash that makes me embarrassed to even be involved in this match with you, because I've seen dozens of people just like you, people who can't get over their egos and piss and moan behind the curtain because they just can't bare the fact that sometimes, things don't go your way.
APWO is going to see much I truly can be hated when I put all my eggs into the hating basket. The Wrestling world is really going to see that the sweet, nice Travis is good as dead. This company should be fucking honored to have me. So go say some prayers and eat your vitamins brother because you need all the fucking prayers you can get to escape this match from me. I am going to win this match one way or another. See you all soon.
Chet: You know, I don’t think that guy likes Sam Tolson very much.
Blazen: He needs to smoke one and calm down, man…
Kyle: I don’t…I don’t think you should be stoned and wrestling.
Chet: Tell your cousin that.
Kyle: I HAVE!
Chet: Look, point is…this guy is a late addition, throws the whole balance off. No doubt all 8 will take him out, first opportunity because what has he done to earn a spot with them? Not a damn thing!
Blazen: Well, he was pretty proactive with the attacks after the bell, man.
Kyle: Yeah but, I gotta agree with Chet. This is a slap in the face, and him singling out Tolson might be the dumbest move imaginable.
Chet: Speaking of…here’s Sam Tolson, eleven million time somethin or other with nice abs!
Kyle: I thought you were the expert..
Chet: I thought I told you to shut the f-
Samantha Tolson sits on a sofa inside her Vegas home, a blanket over her lap as a stylish journal lies open in it. She holds a pen in her right hand, beginning to write.
"Dear Diary,
The APWO World Championship is so close I can taste it. But there's misconceptions about my drive to won it, my confidence that I will win that belt. They think because I say I have no fear that I'm being cocky, or underestimating the other seven left.
They don't understand. None of them do.
I don't fear them. Wendigo, Dionysus, certainly not Stone or Parker, or Bailey. Not Mason. Not even Vengy.
There's nothing about any of them that strikes fear into me. That's not underestimating them, it's just the truth. No malice, no ill will. Just simple fact.
What they will never understand is what I truly fear.
I fear me.
I don't like to lose. At anything. Not wrestling, not softball or football back in the LFL.
An-y-thing.
I know what happens inside me when I lose. I've tried to be more gracious about it as the years wear on, but they don't see me when I've lost. They don't see the knots in my stomach, the thoughts in my mind.
They don't understand that the one thing that scares me is losing. I've lost more than any them know, more than all but one of them can even possibly comprehend.
I've lost the one thing that made me a woman with the loss of my ability to have kids. Yes, someday I'll adopt, but there'll always be that nagging feeling in the back of my mind, telling me they're not truly mine.
I will look at my adopted children, someday, every day, knowing that no matter how good of a life I give them, in the game of life…I've already lost.
That's why I keep pushing, keep striving for that feeling of winning everywhere I can.
Because one day, there's no more wins. Only that huge loss, even with my children around me.
They will never wrap their heads around my confidence, because they'll never see my desperation.
So I fear myself, because deep down, I hate losing because of what I've already lost, and because I can't get it back, I fill the void with all the victories I can.
I have a trophy case filled with them.
It's why I push, why I outwork everyone. Why I prepare endlessly, chase relentlessly.
I'm chasing smoke, and they'll never see it.
Make no mistake, I am confident that I will do something I've never yet done, become the first to hold a World Championship.
But I also know why I am confident.
I am confident because there is no other alternative for me.
I can't bear the thought of losing.
Again.
So this time?
I won't lose.
I won't allow it."
Samantha sighs, closing the journal and looking out a window, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Kyle: Well that got…personal.
Chet: Oh, who gives a fuck?
Kyle: Dude!
Chet: Look, my heart breaks for her. It does. But you losing something doesn’t immediately entitle you to everything you want. She’s acting like the title is already hers!
Kyle: Well i mean, she’s earned the right to be confident. She’s had a great car–
Chet Morley obnoxiously blows raspberries.
Blazen: Look man, I just think that if she doesn’t win this? She’s going to have a lot to fight from underneath of. The whole roster has heard her saying she was GOING to win man…time to put up, or shut up
Kyle: Well..Next, we hear from a man who had a rough outing at one PPV where he was SET ON FIRE, retained tag titles in Action Wrestling and has befriended a heart stopping helldemon here.
Chet: I bet they’re bumpin uglies. Key word, uglies.
Kyle: This is Dionysus.
The road to absolute power is paved with the blood and bone of those who have attempted the path, but stumbled and faded into nothing. For some, this path has been relatively straightforward, albeit not easy; no weird turns and bends in the path.
Then there's me.
Yes, me with the lovely mug and award-winning ass.
If anyone, and I mean anyone, says that this path has been an easy one for me, I'm going to point out several things to you. Time has not been on my side. The one person I could trust was assaulted and all but forgot about me. And then I am paired with a monster, another victim forgotten entirely. Enough moments like that would make anyone think twice about continuing, right? Being saddled with a new partner, having to find common ground while most other teams have already worked out the kinks?
And yet...here I am.
Despite everything that has happened with me so far, I have managed to continue on my path to absolute power. This business has no shortage on enemies, but friends and comrades are harder to come by. So I shall do the only appropriate thing and give my appreciation to Wendigo for allowing us to accept each other and co-exist as a team. I promise I won't make the sting of defeat hurt as much.
I'm not going to pretend I'm anything that I'm not. I'm not some long-standing veteran wrestler looking to add more prestige to my name. I'm not a rookie either, using this opportunity to make a name for myself. I'm not the type of egotist that will claim that I will decimate and destroy all that stand in my path. Nor am I the type of narcissist that is going to state matter-of-factly that this title will be mine.
I'm going to tell you what I tell everyone else.
Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words, especially within the Elite Eight. As the first hopefuls for the world title, we represent what absolute power can truly mean, though fragments of that we may be. It is by besting one another that we will combine these fragments into the whole of absolute power.
And when that dust settles...It will be I, Dionysus, that will become the First Class Singularity.
#DicksOutForDionysus
Kyle: What a stirring monologue…I think.
Chet: Did he just SAY hashtag? Like, unironically?
The three sit there in a stunned silence for a minute, before Blazen turns to the other two.
Blazen: I don’t wanna get my dick out, man. It feels dirty.
Kyle: MOVING ON…uh. The next piece was sent to us in the form of a blogpost and it was uh…requested that I read it. So…From the mind of Matt Stone..
Kyle turns to the monitor, which displays the blogpost and soon the camera fades so it fills the screen as Kyle reads it aloud.
Dear Power Roster,
Since the day I signed on the dotted line I’ve been penciled into the main event of Absolution. That’s just a fact, almost like a birthright I possess. I know hearing that will automatically rub you the wrong way but that’s just jealousy. This isn’t even a brag, simply a fact. Kitty and Vance competed in a match to determine who would get to pick their partner and quite frankly, it was to determine who would get to team with me. I know you’ve all accomplished things in your past and that to varying degrees you’ve all earned your spots here in the elite eight, but there’s only so far you can go before coming up against a buzz saw. The thing about being good is that sooner or later, you’re going to run into someone better and now, that someone is me. Ironically, it’s that very perception everyone has that makes me better than you.
The amount of pressure that gets put on my shoulders each time I sign a contract, each time I make an appearance, dwarfs anything you’ve experienced. Being Matt Stone isn’t always a joy, it’s a chore at times and I have to put myself through rigorous efforts each and every day to maintain my status. There’s always someone looking to swoop in and take that spot away from me. It’s tiring honestly but I’m not about to give it up any time soon. That’s why when you see me in my downtime, surfing Twitter, it doesn’t look like I take you seriously. I don’t, for clarification, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on you as a wrestler unless your name is Donny and you’re acting like a veteran already, it’s because I know what I go through and that none of you can match me on preparation, on knowledge, on skill. I’ve seen people like you come and go…in Samantha’s case I’ve seen her come and go… while I’ve remained a rock (or Stone) in this business for over a decade. I learned a long time ago that you have to do things you’re not proud of in order to succeed here. Wendigo’s mind games are off putting to say the least, but I’ve had to live day in and day out with the sins I’ve committed throughout the years to be able to maintain my status as the best wrestler going today. I’m no superhero or Greek God and I don’t pretend to be as such, I’m just a man who’s made a lot of mistakes in his life and learned from each and every one of them. Mistakes that I still see you all making to this day and mistakes I’ll capitalize on.
Vance made the right decision in selecting me and I’ll do my best to get him to the finals but beyond that? I’m walking away with the championship gold and there isn’t a person in this company that can Shut. Me. Up.
-Future World Champion
Matt Stone
Kyle: I uh…that felt dirty to read.
Chet Morley: Look, i’ll just say it. I’ve always been a Matt Stone fan. And this is why. He’s a bullshitter when it doesn’t matter, but when shit needs to count? He’s all business.
Ref Blazen: And that’s called being a pro.
Kyle: I think Donny Mason’s dad might sue for that….but, as well known as Matt Stone is there is next to nothing to know about the next potential inaugural world champ. Unless you believe everything you read on monster and cryptid wikis.
Ref Blazen: Which, I do..
Kyle: This is uh…this is Wendigo. Hope you’re wearing your poopin’ pants.
Wendigo: For we all are sinners.
The camera lights up, opening in on the backdrop of what seems to be the Black Forest once more. Though, for once, Wendigo herself is actually visible to the camera. She is seen crouched in front of a massive tree, the shadows of it obscuring its true visage. Laid out in front of her, sat an assortment of items. Her hands slowly stretched outwards, fingers hooking around the first item and dragging it along the ground. Slowly, her hands lifted, cradling in her fingers a small action figure of Donny Mason.
Wendigo: Wrath.
Her hands grip at the doll tighter, until cracks begin to form in the figure. With a violent yank, the figure cracks in half, its pieces falling to the snow. Behind her, the tree seems to creak, leaves shaking above the branches. Steadily, she pulls the next item forward, dragging between her claws a fallen phone. Her eyes remain situated on the phone before smiling.
Wendigo: Pride
Her hand rushes out, piercing the phone in the center of the screen with a violent crack. Her eyes focus, moving now towards the third item set in front of her. A T-shirt, depicting Sam Tolson. Her gaze narrows as she hovers her hand over it.
Wendigo: Envy.
Her claws rip through the shirt, shredding through Tolson’s face on the shirt itself before turning her eyes to the next item. A signed photo of Cam Stone. Her lips pull into a snarl as her fingers hover over it.
Wendigo: Greed.
Once more her claws pierce through the picture before turning to the next item. A child’s cape, with the symbol of the Avenger in the center of it.
Wendigo: Sloth.
She ignores the item, moving to the next one. An ipad, perpetually playing an image of Logan Bailey. She almost laughs at what is happening, before shaking her head.
Wendigo: Lust.
Her hand snaps downward, cracking the ipad screen violently before her gaze falls on the last item. A bottle of wine. Unopened. Her hand hovers against it, and for a moment she seems regretful.
Wendigo: Gluttony.
She lifts the bottle into her hands, rotating it gently before running her tongue against the opening. Able to taste it. And her own regrets. Her eyes drift to a close, tears about to well in them before reopening as she smiles.
Wendigo: We are all sinners. And that’s perfectly fine. I love sinners. I love the idea and facet of it all. Because it is only through these sins have we found ourselves in this position. I must act now. As the monster of pure sin that I am. The devourer that I am. To crawl through the wreckage of bodies and stand across from my true adversary. And to feel the blood of a true challenger run along my throat. For we are sinners.
Her arms spread, as the tree seems to brighten, revealing seven bodies dangling from its branches.
Wendigo: But I’m a monster
Ref Blazen: I wasn’t wearin my poopin pants, bro…
Chet: Are we uh..are we sure she’s had her shots?
Kyle: Well, right now the only shot we know she has for sure is a shot at being the first APWO World Champion. We’re at the halfway point of our group just about boys. You got any thoughts?
Chet: I miss podcasting
Ref Blazen: I really don’t want Wendigo to eat me, man…
Kyle: Well…here’s something completely different. From monster for flesh, to a monster for the rules. Vance Isaac Parker broke the bank when he signed here, but since then has only had two matches. Of course that was out of his control but still, you KNOW he wants to prove himself to be the champion we deserve.
“Here we are, on the eve of the biggest match of my career. Hi, Vance Isaac Parker here, YOUR favorite champion reporting for APWO. The only man in this match with under a year of professional experience in line for a chance at becoming the world’s heavyweight champion. And the youngest to have the opportunity within this company, if my math is correct. And spoiler alert, I come from a higher educated university, and my math is always correct. Look, I’m no fool, I know what the people say about me. I know what my colleagues here at the APWO think about me, how they call me the Silver Spoon of owner Emiliano Hernan.”
The light flickers on, revealing only a somber VIP in his diamond-encrusted suit with a casual gin & tonic on an end table at his side.
“Seven others join me in a four on four elimination match, with two major rules; the first, you cannot pin your partner you’ve had for the duration of this event. So Matt Stone and I are as safe as we’ve been to-date. The second, is that the final two individuals in the match will go on and square off for all the marbles, to fight for the right to be the inaugural world’s heavyweight champion of this company. Samantha Tolson, Matt Stone, Wendigo, Donny Mason, Logan Bailey, Dionysus, The Avenger and of course yours’ truly. And if you ask any of them, they’ll all tell you in their own way of course, that like a famous N*SYNC song, it’s going to be them that wins this match. But, and stay with me here, nod along if you know where I’m going…there can only be one winning entity in any professional wrestling match, right?” It even says so right here, in The Official Professional Wrestling Rulebook®…”
Vance reaches inside his blazer to pull out the now-infamous rulebook for emphasis, before returning it.
“So, if you can only have one winning entity, and seven people are all saying they’re winning…somebody is telling you a lie. And shouldn’t you hate that? I mean, they just told you a bold faced lie to your face! You should be insulted by them! Now me, I won’t lie to you. I’m not going to tell you I’m going to win. Because…I don’t need to. No, instead all I have to do…is survive. In this case, being one of the last two standing is equivalent to winning.”
Vance reaches for his gin & tonic and takes a long sip then places it back on the table.
“So tune in. APWO’s special four-on-four empty arena tag team elimination match. Watch my words today be spoken into truth. Much like they will when I become world’s heavyweight champion after this encounter. When I show you all why I am, YOUR favorite champion. This has been Vance Isaac Parker, signing off.”
Vance reaches one more time for the drink as the camera slowly draws to a fade.
Chet: Man never met a mirror he didn’t like.
Kyle: You got to admire his confidence. I know that some people would call it arrogance but, when you’ve won the titles he has then you’ve earned the right to crow about it a little.
Ref Blazen: Then we got the exact opposite..
Chet: Poor little Logan. Helena’s BFF with the beaver lookin’ wife. Got his ass kicked so bad we wondered if he’d be able to participate.
Kyle: but, to his credit, he has stepped up and even called out Travis Blake on social media. So you know, more than anyone, Logan is going to be out for revenge.
A look of whimsy crosses Logan Bailey's face as he kind of recalls old times.
Logan Bailey: "Man, imagine me actually being a world champion. Logan Bailey: World Champion. It's a phrase I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to hear outside of the confines of my rooms when I was a kid. And honestly, I was a weird kid anyway, I always more valued the worker's championship over the world championship. It was never "and new World Champion," it was always "and new Intercontinental Champion." Yeah, I was kinda weird."
The Animated Maniac stares away from the camera, kind of nodding before continuing.
Logan Bailey: "Weirder still, among my friends in high school, there were only actually a couple that were really into wrestling like I was. We were all in marching band together. They had officer roles, and they treated getting that role like winning a world championship. They were proud to be woodwinds captain."
Bailey just kind of sighs as he keeps recounting high school.
Logan Bailey: "I never got a serious role. Sure, I always signed up for one, and sure I was junior year's representative, but I never actually got one. When I was junior representative, that was the one year they didn't announce representatives over the PA system."
Logan shakes his head no.
Logan Bailey: "But there was always someone better for the role I really wanted. Meaning I was never drum captain in high school marching band. I was never good enough, or at the very least I was gaslit into thinking I was never good enough. But when I got to Georgia Tech? In my senior year, I finally got the job. I was drum captain, and I was the one tapping off the rest of the band. It was nothing like what I hoped it'd be. I still wasn't a leader. It was probably a mistake to make me drum captain. Thankfully the roles were diminished compared to high school. They really didn't matter nearly as much, just making the band was enough."
The Animated Maniac purses his lips, remembering all this.
Logan Bailey: "I still have the badge Tech gave me for being drum captain. But that was ten years ago now, it's really just a keepsake. I've come out of my shell since then. I've gotten a hot punk wife since then who's kept me out of my shell. I know what it takes to be a leader now, to be the top of the establishment. Even if that's the only thing marching band and professional wrestling have in common, that's a hell of a thing to have in common. So Mr. Rodgers? If you're watching, which... I--I don't... I don't know why you would be, you were the type who thought wrestling was stupid. I want you to look how far I've come. I am good enough."
And with a bit of a smirk to him, Logan turns off the camera as the view fades elsewhere.
Chet: Goddamn. Almost makes me wanna root for the kid…Almost.
Kyle: Logan’s mostly been quiet but now, with that much revealed of him? I’m kinda pullin for the underdog!
Ref Blazen: I gotta go with genetics man…and thats our next cat. The biggest cat in the match too. Donny Mason, son of Don Tirri and trained by him and Matt Knox. Mans got the pedigree and the tutelage. Just needs to put it all together.
Kyle: lets hear what’s on the mind of the Yeetmaster
Now who had “Rookie with 6 months of experience makes it to the Elite 8” in their scorecards? You did? Quit lying. Pops said the odds for this were and I quote “Fucking astronomical”
All kidding aside, I barely believe it myself. After the mess with Lissie and Cypher, I halfway expected to get knocked on my ass and eliminated by Blake and Strader. But damn, here I am. Sure, Blake got the last laugh with that post-match assault… but hey, I told him on twitter that it wasn’t even the worst beating I got, I walked out on my own and showed up at the aisle later. Not exactly BLOOD-level. A solid Two outta Five
Anyway. Man. Talk about an opportunity. Me and Loggo, assuming he is cleared to compete, get to tussle with some pretty fantastic names. Matt Stone, who despite Pops’ opinion is a pretty damn good worker. VIP, who has almost as much gold as I do. Tolson, whose CV is gilded to say the least, Avenger, who I won’t deny, is probably my favorite dude of all time. I mean, look at him. Dude’s a bloody superhero, like legit!
And then there is Dionysus. I mean, I’m honestly glad I get to actually share the ring with him, after our original meeting got kinda sidelined by Cyphers fuckery. So yeah. Gotta love new opportunities! Now, if he wasn’t teaming with Wendigo, I’d be a lot happier. Cause that broad? She gives me the creeps. I’m not Knox, I try to steer clear of monsters, instead of heading towards them like a broody torpedo.
No matter which way you spin it though, I’m the underdog there. No matter how much you try to justify it with my record thus far… I’m still the greenest guy in there, the least recognized and if Lissie Hope and Frank Jefferson are to be believed… the ugliest too. So why would anyone put their money on young Donny Mason, dude who has ridden his Pops name and his trainers coattails.
Yeah. Why? Well lemme tell you something bruv. I might be young and inexperienced, but I got the genes for this biz. I was born because of wrestling and I was born TO wrestle. I’m an absolute physical UNIT, standing head and shoulders above the others. I train every day. I eat my vitamins and if I was a religious man,I’d probably say my prayers too.
But most importantly: APWO deserves someone fresh, someone impressive, someone not stained by past drama as it’s face. Someone like me. Everyone has their baggage. Some bigger, some smaller. I don’t. A clean slate. A blank check to write on.
When people look back at Absolution in 10 years, they will remember it fondly. They will see potential realized. They will see the future of professional wrestling making it’s breakthrough.. They will see Donny Mason standing tall… Not as the Elite 8… but as THE Elite.
Simple, innit?
Kyle: There is no lack of confidence among these fighters, guys.
Chet: Why should there be? We got 41 people signed to this roster, and right now no matter what path was taken here, no matter the asterisks and technicalities and all that bullshit? These are the 8 absolute best…Well, 9.
Ref Blazen:Yeah but we saved the best for last…did you guys know we signed a SUPER HERO?!
Kyle: I heard he saved Christmas once…
Chet: Christ, roll the damn clip so I can go to waffle house!
March 16, 2022
AVENGERVERSE MINI ISSUE #4: DO IT AGAIN
LAST TIME IN THE AVENG...:
"NO TIME!" Avenger shouted. "We're stuck in a time warp!"
Well let's do it agai...
"STOP WITH THE DATED REFERENCES!" he shouted again. Fine, Vengy. Let's always do what YOU want to do.
Following the events that led him to encounter 'The Maker's' other creations, The Avenger found himself in, as he said, a time warp. The backstory for this situation is long and complicated, so sit right there and you'll hear a tale...
"What did I just say?" The Avenger yelled at the narrator, realizing his situation was dire. "I have no idea how much time we have left, but it's definitely not enough for a grand adventure!"
But I...
"Nope!" Avenger shook his head, defiant. "They'll just have to accept that this is the situation, and we have to move on to solving it!"
I think you just don't want them to know that this was definitely your fault.
"Is not!" Vengy argued, stamping his feet against the nothingness of the ever-decaying universe around him. "Just because a switch says 'Do Not Push', doesn't ALWAYS mean you can't push it!"
It's definitely your fault.
"Totally not!" Avenger repeated, not realizing he was wasting time arguing with the narrator when he was running out of precious seconds. When the adventure started, he only had 500 left. Now, he was at 273.
Avenger sat there, put a hand on his chin and thought. "Maybe I could cut a wrestling promo!"
Wait, what?
"I don't know!" He said, throwing his arms up. "It helped THE LAST TIME I was in a situation which threatened all of existence!"
Vengy, not knowing if it would work but not wanting to reference a past issue that APWO audiences likely wouldn't know about, quickly began to talk before he ran out of seconds. Especially now that he only had...
"Never tell me the odds!" Avenger said, stealing from a movie he hadn't actually seen. He adopted a superhero pose and began to talk.
"So I'm in this big eight-person thingy at the next APWO show. The final two move on to fight for the World title. Let me tell you, being a champion again would certainly help with the whole role model thing. Kids need someone they can look up to! While Samantha Tolson would be good for ab sculpting, is she really a superhero? No! And I say that with respect! As for everyone else in this match? Matt Stone is loud. I was gonna make a joke about VIP's actual name but I have no time. Dionysus is too thotty. Donny Mason is still in his 'notice me, senpai' phase! Logan Bailey doesn't tip appropriately at restaurants! Wendigo is a flesh-eating ghoul! Well, that last one is the most concerning but none of them are champions! Only a hero is a champion!"
Avenger looked up at the narrator he couldn't see. "Did that do it? Or is it too late?"
I don't know Vengy, we just might have...
Chet:..Okay, i’m going to Wafflehouse
Ref Blazen: Holy shit, he’;s really a superhero!
Kyle: Whatever he is…this is the end of our show. So, who do you guys pick to advance?
Chet: Matt Stone, and the person who gets to lose to Matt Stone
Blazen: Donny Mason and Travis Blake.
Kyle: Great picks from a couple great old fellas. Now, for you watching at home after seeing this? Feel free to vote in the fan poll on our twitter @powerapwo and vote for who you think will win it all at Absolution!!